on the things we wish we didn't do

ask for forgiveness, not permission.

this has long been my mantra in life.

 i've always been the kind of girl who unabashedly does whatever she wants. when i was little, i used to insist that i dress myself, and then would come out of my room and look up at mumsy and ask if i had everything on correctly. she would laugh and either tell me yes or no.

i didn't want any help. and i still don't.

i don't take advice well. and if you tell me what to do, i will do the opposite just to prove that i can. it's like a thing with me.

however.

the thing about doing whatever you what is that it has consequences. even if you think you are ready for them, you often aren't.

sometimes you think you have to do something. you think if you don't, the "what ifs" will eat you alive. you'll think that looking back you'll feel like, if i had only done this, things would have been different.

but what if nothing would have changed? if someone told you beforehand that your actions wouldn't change anything, would you still do them? would you just take their word for it?

i so rarely regret doing what i want. i want to look back on my life and say, "i always did what my heart told me to. i seized every moment and i have no regrets. i took every risk. i jumped on every plane. i replied to every email. i commented on every instagram. i loved everyone i could. i did it."

occasionally, i do do something i regret. occasionally i say things i wish i could take back. not because they were untrue. not because i didn't mean them. not because i said them without thinking.

mostly because i was woefully unprepared for the consequences of those words coming out of my mouth. remember how people warn you of those and you boldly tell them you would happily trade that outcome for your current predicament?

#whoops.

xoxo