an open letter to my baby-daddy-to-be.

darling,

let's make sure our children know we planned for them. we prayed for them. we thought about them years before they came to us. we made choices long before we met each other that would benefit them.

we should be sure and hold them as much as we can when they're little. we can rock them to sleep and hold their little hands while we read them Madeleine books.

let's teach them big words. more importantly, kind words. let's encourage them to share and compromise. let's help them be gracious and patient.

let's make sure they know they can be anything they want. let's help them to love their choices and learn from their mistakes.

let's teach them to be independent and free-thinking. let's push them to ask questions and seek answers.

let's help them to accept the things they cannot change.

let's teach them to save and be smart about money. let's teach them money isn't everything.

i hope they learn to love and accept themselves and others. i hope they value opinions that are different from theirs, and know they can grow from hearing different perspectives.

i hope they know that our way isn't the right way. it's simply our way. it works for us.

i want them to live their own truth. let's teach them to respect the truth's of others.

let's be sure they know our family is our priority. let's tell them how much we love each other. let's show them how much we love each other by always putting one another first.

let's tell them everyday that we waited and longed for them.

let's be sure they know they are children of our heavenly father, on loan to us for an earthly existence. we'll tell them our #1 goal is to get them back to him.

we won't be perfect parents. we'll mess up. we might yell. we'll lose it at times.

i'll probably teach them their first swear word and will likely forget i promised cupcakes for a classroom party.

i will probably embarrass them in an failed attempt to be a "cool mom," and you'll probably say something ridiculous to their 3rd grade teacher during an open house.

but whatever.

they'll know that they are ours, and we are theirs. celestially involved thanks to a sealing power and a choice we made long ago to be a forever family.

xoxo

an open letter to my popsicle.

dear dadsy-

thank you for wanting a daughter. i think that having a girl, changes a family. 

thank you for raising me to always keep an open mind and embrace diversity. thank you for teaching me about kindness and respect. 

thank you for helping me see that life is a series of choices, and that there is always another option if something doesn't work out.  

thank you for having dinner with me during tax season and telling me i had to have a plan for college. thank you for saying you didn't care what it was (even though you did), as long as it was well thought out.

thank you for assuring me that the plan could always change. 

thank you for caring appropriately when you thought i was making a mistake. 

thank you for letting me make so many mistakes, and picking up the pieces when things fell apart. that must have been so hard for you.

thank you for driving all my furniture to san francisco after college so i didn't have to keep sleeping on that air mattress. 

thank you for taking me camping (even though i hated it) and instilling within me a love for the environment that i hope to pass on to your grandchildren. 

thank you for being a little bit of a hippie. 

thank you for your long legs and athleticism. 

thank you for ensuring i can always come home to california. thank you for making california my home. 

today i cried when i saw a billboard for avocados, so. 

thanks for that.

thank you for telling me that if i want to go to business school, i should. thank you for telling me you think i can do it. 

thank you for supporting my career. thank you for being a little bit of a feminist, for me.

thank you for making it clear god sent me to you and mom. i think we were just right for each other. 

xoxo

em + andrew + me. at it again. salt lake.

so, my besties were in town last weekend! i love when emily and andrew come to visit. in the last few years, we've managed to see each other a whole lot. which is amazing.

as a quick catch up, em, andrew and i go way back to the byu-i days. not a lot of shining moments there in rexburg, but definitely a lot of growth happening.

i didn't blog about it, but em and andrew also came to SF for new years and we saw The Book of Mormon, which is amazingly hilarious and wonderful. but anyway, back to this weekend.

it was general conference weekend, which is generally one of my favorite times of year. there is something magical about the entire church coming together to hear the prophet and general authorities speak.

emily and i had planned to come out here together before i took my job out here, so i guess that's more proof that you never know where your life is going to take you {not that we need a lot more examples..} but anyway.

we had such a blast! we got tickets to the saturday afternoon session and headed to temple square in our sunday best to watch it all go down live.

the best thing about us is that we have fun doing nothing. emily and i can literally just sit around and watch tv and its the best. i'm so blessed to have friends that have known me through so many phases of life.

and love me anyway.

xoxo

so, i'm back. and wow, am i ever up a creek

i think i've mentioned before that i cry a lot. this is nothing new to those who know and love me, but i guess sometimes when we are first getting to know each other, it might be a little weird.

well, i've been crying a lot lately. not because i am unhappy or because things aren't going well, but i miss san francisco. sometimes i miss it so much i can barely breathe. i think about the bay bridge during the day and can't help but choke up. it's awful.

i used to feel that way about france. i mean, i still do. when i first got back to chico, i sat in class and just ached with sadness about how much i missed provence. i've never been one for adjustments. they are basically the worst.

i listen to mat kearney a lot at work, and in his song sooner or later, he says, "sooner or later, i swear, we're gonna make it, we're gonna make it," and i like to think that's true. i hope its true. it better be true.

i've always basically done whatever i want. it's actually one of my favorite things about myself. i never let anyone else call the shots when it comes to my own life, because if things crash and burn, then i have no one to blame but myself. it's been a pretty good system up until now. each and every direction my life has taken me has been totally mine to own. i'm really proud of the choices i've made.

however, it's true that sometimes i don't think things through. this is one of those times. i thought i was being fearless, but i was really just being reckless. do we ever outgrow that? will there ever be a time when i truly weigh the pros and cons of something and ultimately decide it will cause more harm than good. and even if it will do more harm, will i still skip it?

honestly, probably not. because let's not forget, bad decisions make great stories.

xoxo